Hey Blue, sorry you find yourself here, but keep posting.
Couple of questions....have you read DR/DB yet? If not, start there. After that, I suggest The Five Love Languages.
Definitely back off the pressure...you need to leave her be for a while and focus on yourself. This is really really hard....I get it, but it's the path forward.
As others have said, GAL is extremely important....it'll help keep your mind off the negatives and help build your self esteem. Get involved in something, preferably where you can meet some new people.
The other thing to focus on is improving yourself. What are some things you don't like about your role in the marriage? What are some things you'd like to change about you? Think about your W's complaints, as well as your own. Make a list, and start working on them. You are going to have to change....really change for your W to want back in. She doesn't want to go back to the old marriage and my guess is that neither do you.
