Questions without answers...will the hurt stop?

[albamarie]

This morning is my anniversary! I woke up alone, h is working hard for that money!

I'm trying to see, really see, and be honest with what I had in a M vs what I wanted in a M. It helps me determine what I'm standing for, and if it's what I really want or am I just playing a role I think I should be playing, because it is M after all, it's suppose to be for life!

I am the dutiful W, who excused a lot of neglect and loneliness as life in the middle class. Hard working h, house, 4 kids, dog, homeschooling, sports, you name it, I used it. But, that's craP! I have allowed him to treat me as last on his mind to take time for. As the sacrifecable! As long as I made a good invoice and kept the F life at bay, he was free to work.

My h is a workaholic and I made it easy for him to do that and still come out with a family, he may be right, he should have stayed single!

I have no H, I have a paycheck! That's not what I wanted in a M! I'm sorry for those of you reading that are struggling, I do appreciate one thousand percent that he works, I will never take that away from him!

I am saying that I believe life is about a healthy balance of everything and everyone in it! I just want to be part of that balance as a W, hell just as a women! I know h can't do that for me, his goal is to feel he has successfully taken care of this F.

So he broke when it looked like he was failing! MLC is is new goal, do it, do it well! Work harder, neglect harder, be harder!

What am I going to do? Well isn't that the million dollar question? Sorry, I'm from Chicago, we tend to be snarky! I'm just sad today, what does dinner or a hug or a card really cost a person? Well, to an MLCer, I guess it's like death! I don't want to be mean or snarky toward him, I guess that's why I came here this morning!

This was almost going to be a text to h at work today! I know, not good!

I need to find me...the problem is I don't think she's ready to see the true fallout of this M, that's scary! I am ok for the most part, realistic for the most part, but unsure of where to go from here.

I think it's time to spend some $$$ on calling a coach here and getting some me perspective, and where I am really at in regards to this M.

Hi, Mizjjd,

Thanks for asking, all in all I'm ok, I just over think everything, and worry too much! I'm going to go have a good Sunday by my self for now! Hope your day is great!