An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III

[subguy]

I am back from my trip to Alaska, it was fun, relaxing, stressful and tiring all at the same time. I got to see a momma bear and two cubs walk right in front of my car, she was huge and needless to say, I was glad I was in my car. I saw glaciers, snow, bald eagles, moose and porcupines. All in all a good week.

I went to my nephews wedding, that was a little stressful as it made me think about my impending divorce. I am extremely happy and hopeful for my nephew, young love was fun to watch.

Making the trip stressed me out a little. I think because it was the first trip that I took with my family minus my wife and that hurt a little, however we all had a good time. Life does move forward and it can be fun and exciting.

I had time to think and look at my situation from a different angle. I realize that I will most likely never "get over" my wife, we have way to much history together. I do know that I will move forward with or without her. What my wife is going through is tough and it is hers... I released a lot of demons this week. I now know that I will be okay on my own.

I am not sure what path I want to take at this point. I know that I am not a back up plan and it is either all or nothing. I cannot and will not hang out and be best buds with my ex wife, as she has indicated she wants to do at some point. She has made her decision and I am okay with it. I am not at the point of forgiving her yet... but that will happen.

I am okay with me and do not want to be married to someone who acts the way she has acted these last 10 months. I want someone who will stand and fight for me and someone who does not verbally insult and demean me. I want someone who will not run when the really tough part begins. At some point that may be my stbx however I really doubt that will happen for us. I am in a pretty good place right now, this trip has helped me to relax and realize a few things.