wife hardends heart

[mizjjd]

Planet,

welcome to the DB boards. I am very sorry to hear you are having so much trouble, but you have found a good place. This forum can help you.

I wonder about the divorce proceedings in your country. How long does the process take?

The usual advice here regarding divorce is to maintain a position of "this is not what I want and I won't help you achieve it, but I won't stand in your way." Depending on how quickly your legal process moves, you may have to resign yourself to the divorce. But that doesn't mean you have to give up on a R with your wife.

It is good that you are giving your wife as much space as possible.

Try to pay no attention to the affair aspect. This, I know personally, can be very very hard to do. But it is best for you, and your M, if you can detach from this.

Forgive my ignorance, but is counseling readily available where you are? I don't suggest marital counseling right now, but individual counseling for you could really help. A side effect could be that your wife will see you are serious about wanting to change.

Finally, I found these two quotes interesting.

I've realized now that I was very "cold" towards my wife and my children. For that matter, quite a lot of other people as well.

I know my mom, she can be 'cold' on the outside but she means well.

It looks like you have been trained from your birth family to be "cold". If you truly want to change a life-long behavior it is going to take a lot of work. This is where counseling would help. But if you can become "warmer" it will benefit you, your daughters, and whomever you end up having a relationship with.

Best of luck to you planet.

Let us know how things go with you.