Not sure what's going on with me these days. I am struggling. Despite knowing how much H is going through w/his folks, I find myself wanting to distance from him.
I find myself resentful. Resentful that he can depend on me? Resentful that he can find time and compassion for his parents but not his family?
And these are selfish thoughts/feelings of course, so then I feel ashamed of myself.
H said not long ago that he doesn't remember when my mom died. Well, he of course remembers that she died, just not the details. (This was Feb of 2006.)
Maybe that plays into my feelings as well. Maybe it just reminds me of losing my parents and brings that to the surface again.
Maybe I'm just having a bad few days. Sigh.
On the positive side, I am completely caught up with my laundry. And, this is the best part, I cleared out all the piles of clothes I'd had set aside to give away. Progress!
Today is fastfoodland, but just the usual 5 hour shift.
S161 returned yesterday from State Track. (I don't think I ever updated that he was offered the opportunity to participate in the Florida trip next year, instead of having to miss half of it and buy a plane ticket for this year. Now, I am sure its just a funny coincidence, but the "go next year" option was not available at first, according to the teacher in charge. But then, the teacher in charge's son made the state relay team... and miraculously the option of going next year, at no additional cost, came up. Yep, I'm positive that just looks a little fishy )
H has told his job that he will be there for work on Wednesday, so that should put him home Tue night. All this contingent of course on MIL's surgery.
I am afraid for H... he must be just a mass of panic in his mind and heart. And I feel a little "soulless" for my resentment.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Progress! 
)