Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[PatientMan]

Okay, another part of my situation I haven't brought up here yet.

At my party last weekend a younger D'ed dad came to my party (friend of friends) & brought his son.

I drank a bit too much & well, ended up flirting w him a bit. It felt good and I know it was VERY innocent.

Since then we have texted each other 3 different nights. All very innocent...who's your favorite bball team, etc. But, it does make me feel like that when I'm ready| (which I'm not) that there will be someone out there who will be interested in me.

I feel like this guy is just a new friend who has time on his hands to text-period. He is nice & I crave the adult communication in the evenings. And, of course it doesn't hurt that a younger, cute guy is giving me a little attention.

I want nothing more from this & so far I have NO indication that he does either.

Is this dangerous territory or is this okay????

I think it's dangerous. Things start off innocent, then feelings develop, then "it just happened." If you are not okay with that possibility, then don't.

Very humbly,

-PM

[littleGTO]

Okay, thanks for your input!

I do have a male friend at work who I confide in (& he confides in me) about our marital situations (he is DBing his butt off too), so I DO believe in friendships w the opposite sex.

However, this texting w new guy doesn't feel the same as with co-worker at all. For one thing new guy is attractive to me, and available. However, he smokes and that is a DEAL BREAKER for me right off the get-go, so somehow I've justified that he's safe in my book.

Also, he' too much younger than me for me. I would want a R w someone who has already passed MLC-age!

I will back off though, as I get your drift. And, I guess I wouldn't have asked the Q if I didn't already have my doubts.

I met w my C today and her viewpoint was that it was good in that it opened my eyes to the possibilities in my future as long as I realized it wasn't really about THIS GUY. It was about ME realizing I WILL have new R possibilities when I am ready and fully healed. I agreed.

[JuneReN]

I believe you can have friends of the opposite sex too.

If relationship with neighbour feels different that that with co worker then it probably is

I feel a new confidence in you. Neighbour felt it, H felt it, I bet, and that is why he is in a tizzy. It's the switch from need to want and it shows.

[tori2012]

GTO, I agree with your C. However, she is assuming you are D, but you are not. I have seen signs that your sitch might turn around. The question is, are you having doubts about wanting things to turn around?

Also, don't assume that everyone goes through MLC. Many men remain happily married without having to go through a crisis. Plus life crisis can happen anytime, not only between 45-55. I know that many people experience it at this age, but there are plenty of exceptions.

Thank you for your posts :-) We'll do a Boston Part II with Ruby and whoever else can join us!

[littleGTO]

Thanks, ruby, Tori, PM,

Tori, if H did a 180 and decided to reinvest in our M then I would definitely want to give us time to see if it could still work.

My C asked me "What would it take to work?" I said, "NC w OW-first. MC second. And lots and lots of time and trust re-building."

Plus, I don't want H to come around if it is just because OW didn't work out. I don't want to be the default choice, also known as OPTION B. (I don't know where he is in his R with OW AT ALL, but I have a weird feeling that things aren't as "green" as he hoped they'd be... I could be wrong,but...)

NC w new guy last two nights. I think it's best if contact is few and far between.

[littleGTO]

Looking forward to a night of watching Karate Kid 2 with my boys--GAL for Friday--wha-who!!!!

Last night we watched the first half & I was an emotional wreck. There are so many life lessons in that movie!

The part were the trainer of KK reminisces about his wife & sons' death---you never know what you have until it's too late, put me over the edge.

I cried for about 15 minutes and went to my room & took down all our family pictures--there were 8. It's another step forward for me.

I felt emotionally exhausted but it felt it was time.

1 year of BD approaches.

[littleGTO]

H came to house today to see boys (for about 2 hours).

While he was here he asked if he could weedwhack (he knows I don't want he mowing the lawn), so he did. Always seems like he wants to "help out" around the house.

We have an oral agreement that he will give me whatever amount of money I need each month to pay the bills. WHen I told him yesterday he acted shocked (even though I told him what our monthly bills would be).

Today he gave me a check for the amount I asked but he griped about the fact that he would have to take money out of his half of the savings (in his own separate account).

In the same breath he asked if I could please call the cell phone company to give permission for him to cancel his phone off our account. (Only to cost him more money.)

When I asked him again about what days he was planning to take boys for week-long vacation he said he wasn't exactly sure but it would be most of a week after school gets out.

I mostly, but didn't, tell him I have plans for that week. Just in case he changes his mind about how long he plans to take boys away. I want him to realize he will have them for the full week, as I have plans. I guess I'll let him know soon.

BUT, I'm not telling him what my plans are. I want him guessing. (When we were dating he broke up w me briefly and I went on a cruise solo....by the time I got back him was ready to commit and reunite.) NOt expecting the same thing, but I want him to realize my life is NOT on hold while he tried to figure out his!

BTW I am going away to a mountain cabin w my SIL then to her lake house. My spiritual journey, as I'm referring to it! Time to heal, time for me.

Last night was 4th night of texting between D'ed dad from my party and I. Sorry, the attention is infectious. And, it IS helping my self-esteem.

One more thing...I took down ALL the family pictures in my bedroom night before last (while on a crying stint). It was time and it felt like the right thing to do.

H took a shower and went into MY bedroom & noticed. His comment, "So, I notice all the pictures are coming down."

My response, "Yes, baby steps forward." Him-silence.

[bustingout]

Hi GTO, it sounds like the trip you have planned will be good for you...some well deserved time away from it all. Sometimes it helps give us perspective to physically remove ourselves from our day to day lives.

Out of curiosity, did your kids say anything about the pictures coming down?

((((((( )))))))

[littleGTO]

Hi, bustin,

Thanks for posting. The boys did not notice the pictures in my room coming down, as they are almost never in there except if they are playing hide and seek or running from one another.

I did tell H that I am going away for a week. He wasn't surprised and said sarcastically, "Of course you are." Then he asked where I was going and I held fast to not telling him.

I said, "I am choosing not to share that w you. I will be available by cell at all times & will check in w the boys frequently."

He wasn't happy I wasn't telling him. He asked if I was going w anyone. I didn't want to lie. I said "yes," and then he asked if it was a MALE or FEMALE!

I said, "REALLY?!! I can't believe you even asked that. Female."

I added, "I'm looking at this trip as a time to help ME figure out my life. A spiritual journey of sorts."

Here's the kicker--I am renting a cabin w my SIL in VA where H will be taking the boys only a hour away from where I will be! It just happens to be a mid-point from my SIL and me, and H is taking boys to our timeshare nearby.

Looking forward to the trip tremendously. Hope it will provide some clarity for me, or at least some peace and needed me-time (as I've had boys 7 days/nights a week since H moved out in Nov. (by choice) minus 2 nights they slept over at his apartmt.

[littleGTO]

Having a down night. Not crying, just a little depressed. Wondering if I will ever be healed to move on and be happy--really happy.

I love my boys and I am SO very fortunate to have them. I don't know how I would make it through all this w/o them. BUT, there is something about sharing your life with a partner.

I so want that. But, I still love my H. I really wish I didn't at this point. So, I could feel free to let go-completely. And be ready for another R with my next prince charming.

My fear is that I will never get to the point where I will be healed fully and ready to give my heart completely to someone new.