Hit submit too early. Hopefully, you can stay open to whatever possibilities there are, because you never know how your W will respond to this.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Thanks ad I'm sure I'll be fine it's going to take some adjustments but in the end I'll be better off. It sure does seem to have dragged on forever without any movement at all and still being blamed for her unhappiness and the way things turned out.
You are right I no longer fear Divorce and I've done a lot of work on myself. i know my posts don't show it but I have. I'm not perfect in fact I never will be. It's not doing either one of us to stay in this M just because she wants the benefits of M without having to do anything but care for her needs and her needs only. The days of us living separate lives are over for me.
I've realized I cannot force her to include in her life and I can't make her have feelings for me. I suppose a LBS can only take hearing so many times "how we don't get along, we have nothing in common, I don't get that warm and fuzzy feeling when you are around, I'm not in love with you", etc. I've asked myself what kind of message are we sending our sons by the way we are living and it's not a good one. They see we do nothing together, they see how I'm no longer included in her family events. I could go on and on but I'll stop and just say this is the best decision for all of us.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Tallula I have actually been in this sitch since even before I started posting here in Oct 2011 and you are right you never know about the possibilities but I'm not holding my breath. I definitely feel I've lived it and I know for sure I can't do it anymore.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
You know, when I first got the bomb all I heard was how long the odds were that we could make it back and reconcile, how small the chances were. And then when H moved out in December all I heard was how this or that person separated and/or divorced and got back together. The future is unwritten. Be open to what is, without having expectations. The things you think are points of no return later sometimes just turn out to have been points along the way.
But acknowledging where you are and making changes now seems like a necessary and good thing.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Update. Next week we start the divorce process. My W and I have decided to go through mediation since we do not plan on fighting over anything. So far we've agree on a lot of things so I hope things go smoothly as does she.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
So today is a pretty big day. We start divorce mediation at 4 and my W said to me this morning that I'm throwing her out of the house. I said nothing in response. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this.
In her mind it's OK to not be "in love" and want to end the M and keep the house along with half my retirement and pay for my youngest sons schooling all this while being told how independent she is and how she doesn't me.
Hopefully it all goes smoothly.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
I'll be thinking of you, Leo! Should my sitch end in a D (Which, honestly, I'm definately ok with today), H and I hope to be able to do mediation.
Let us know how it goes!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Update. For those who may be getting divorced I recommend doing mediation if you and your S can get along. Even though this was our first session I left impressed with our mediator. This was a fact finding session as the mediator got all of our facts then asked us what we both wanted out of mediation.
The mediator spoke to us individually to find out what bought to want a divorce. We were given quite a bit of work to do such as finding out what debts we have,figuring out a budget and my W has to find out how much her retirement is for her current job and a previous job.
For the first time in a long time I saw my W shed some tears. I didn't ask her but I can only guess that the reality of all this hit her. As for me I have never felt better since she dropped the bomb on me. I have to say I'm looking forward to starting a new life.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
