Hi BRNR, Linda ,and Bluedown. Thanks so much for stopping to check on me. H stopped over to get his mail and talk with our S. H asked me if he could talk with me a minute. H said what were my ulterior motives for being "so nice and not hating me? You should be sooo mad by now..why aren't you? You think by you acting like this it is going to save"your" marriage or make me give up my girlfriend..because it is not going to work." Whenever he says my girlfriend it cuts me like a knife. I just kind of sighed and said I didn't know what the rules were for this because I had never been thru it. H said " well this is a separation and I am not coming home so get used to that." H then went on to say about when I was getting a job and I needed to start paying some of the bills. I told him I was putting in applications and waiting to hear from SS. H has been paying the bills for the most part but giving me no money at all for food or other things. My daughter has been using her money for household things we need and we were able to get a small amount from JFS for food. I am just so hurt and confused by him. Then after all this he asked if I wanted to sit on the porch for awhile. Uuuuuuugggghhhh. Since he left all I have done is cry and go over all the things I seem to have done wrong in the M. If I had done things right he wouldn't be acting like this or treating me this way. And the really messed up part is all I want to do is help him get thru this and find his way back. I want to stand up for OUR M and DB so bad but what if I am not strong enough?? I feel so worthless and can't figure out why he hates me so bad. I am sooo sorry to be like this. I really am trying or at least I think I am. I am going to go get a giant cold glass of iced tea and do some reading up on here. Feel like it's going to be a long night. L
