Thanks Cianna - For the most part, I try to not mention her and have not confronted him on everything. I will give it another try
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Pack his bags and take it to the OW's house. You need to do something drastic to wake him up.
What do I do about his daughter? She is almost 17 and lives with us full time.
If I did this it would be totally out of character for me. I am afraid of doing this. What if it didn't work? He could just grab his bags and come back home. Then what?
Also I feel like I am just giving him permission to live with her. Right now he is still coming home at the usual dinner time and leaving for work at the usual work time. The disappearing act was not as prominent but I think this is because his daughter lives with us.
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Why did he claim he D'd in the first place? You can see that he never worked on himself during those other marriages and is still blaming others (YOU) for his happiness.
Omitting the first marriage. I think he D'd before because he was unhappy. I know they went to marriage counseling but his ex really is a bit off her rocker. I get to see how she treats her daughter and it is down right mean.
Last night I kept to myself. I played on my computer until dinner, Ate dinner with my step daughter and H then watched TV in my room until bed even though they were watching TV as well. H walked to my room and waved me goodnight. I think this is weird
Today I got up early and went and worked out. When I got back he was in his office. I normally say hello but today I just grabbed a water and headed to my office. I was stewing for awhile bc I thought he was being difficult but then he came to my office and asked me how my workout was. I was upbeat and didn't act like anything was wrong. A few other things happened as well. A bigger one was that he walked up to me in the kitchen and asked for a hug. Also I told him I was going to the movies and he wanted to go with me.
This afternoon he disappeared for lunch for a few hours. I did not verify where he was and just told him to have a good time. I didn't ask anything when he got back.
Now I am really not sure how to take all of this. Any thoughts? Are these positives or am I being played?
Yesterday did not go so well. He was in a very different mood. First it was grumpy and then it almost seemed sad.
At the grocery store, I ran into a friend who told me some not so good news about H and OW. I went home in a foul mood. He tried to engage about my mood and I told him I respect when he doesn't want to talk so please respect my request. He kept trying with little things to help but I was MAD.
I just don't know what to do or how to act. Any thoughts.
Hi StungBT, I know how it feels to hear new from outside sources about your H and OW. It affected me as if it was happening all over again.
First thing, take care of yourself. How? Stop people when they want to give you unsolicited information. Change the subject abruptly. Tell me you'd rather not talk about it. Walk away if they're persistent. This will help you take care of yourself. I stopped talking to people because they felt this burning desire to give me this information. All it did was hurt me tremendously and piled on the resentment I already had against H.
So for now, take care of yourself. got it?
Next, about Hs mood swings. He's like a tornado. You have no idea which direction he's going to go. If you allow his behavior to affect you then you've just gotten sucked into his tornado. He's going to spit out venom cuz in his immature mind he blames you for everything. He believes you're this oh so powerful woman that can make him happy and angry. He has no clue that he controls his emotions.
Thinking of you stungbt!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I learned about additional rendezvous that happened recently - during work.
I just don't have the strength anymore. I don't know what I need to do anymore but just seeing him in the evening and knowing makes it worse. He doesn't share anything with me anymore. I guess he got really sick last night and didn't even mention it to me. Only did when I tried to talk to him about something and he was just so unresponsive and uncommunicative. I left the house for a few hours. I did not show him tears or anger - I just said I was going out.
How do we do it? Keep busy and talk to people who support your efforts. Pray, meditate, rebuild your relationships with family and friends. work on yourself. You can do this! It takes a lot of practice!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
