Am all in? I need to figure out how to do this without hurting her or walking away from her. Can I do that?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Can I find and fix me while not closing the door on my M?
Can I focus on me and still make 180 to how I was in my M?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
When she is receptive to me, when we talk and it sure feels like we are sharing with each other. That she is trusting me to share what she is going through, what she feels and is going on in her life. The last thing I want to do is say, that's nice but I need to focus on me.
Its like she is starting to trust me that she can talk to me without me making her feel bad, yes I know I am not there or close, but I am improving. It will be a long road for her to trust me. I dont want to stop that with her.
I feel if I say it needs to wait until I am better than it may not end up well. I want to gain her trust while working on me.
Can I do that? Is all in saying to break off everything with her and hope that there may be a chance to work on us later?
Trust me I get that we wont make it if we both don't change, yet it is so hard to walk away from her saying she is starting to trust me.
I don't know the balance for that or if there is one
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Can I find and fix me while not closing the door on my M?
That is what standing and dbing is all about. It is about figuring out the changes you need to make and finding a way to make them. It is about storing your marriage safely in a box for now in order to find you.
Can I focus on me and still make 180 to how I was in my M?
I dont know, J. Can YOU?
Originally Posted By: jp787
Right now I don't think I can do what I need to do for me, as long as I am so tied to my W.
I have to find a way to let go of my rope and I am terrified I wont.
That is my hurdle.
Those ^^^ were your words, sweetie.
So, you need to figure out a balance that works for you, my friend. While there are similarities in all of our sitches, there are also many differences.
The key to this for you, I think, is the detach enough so that your actions and reactions are not determined by her.
And yes, I looked, you did say you were in. Where I am from, we go all in or we dont go at all.
Whatever you decide, I am going to support you, J. As I've told you many times, I dont quit. I am always all in.
Keep looking inward. Keep questioning and pushing to figure things out. Keep growing and changing.
Forge your own path, J.
All I want for you is for you to see that you are worthy. That you find whatever it is you are looking for and heal, my friend.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
W texted me about this and that and it came to a point to where I said I didn't think we were ready to be together right now. She now is asks:
So per you... what makes us not ready.
Do I be honest and tell her?
NOT until you have posted here and or chatted with a therapist. YOU are not ready btw...maybe nothing to do with HER...but remember that
Some things are better left UNsaid...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Where I am from, we go all in or we dont go at all. 