So I received the book yesterday in the mail and immediately dove head first to try to get everything I could from it.
I wrote down my Short term goals:
Have the W willingly text me and communicate with me..
I further broke that down:
Open lines of communication that do not involve our marriage. Allow her to freely express herself and simply LISTEN Be sure not to fire back questions about our R problems
2. Have the W call me and want to talk to me about her day
Once again I cannot smother her, or beg bribe or anything else to push her away Keep the conversation calm, and know that I do not have to act the same way I am feeling Allow her to express herself, and allow her to lead the conversation in the direction she wants.
3. Work up to a point where we can go on a date
This I believe is going to take some time I know that she is nervous about confrontation and considering how mad she has been i don't want to add fuel to that fire. Things need to be calm, and easy once again I cannot smother her.
The worst part and the best part about this book was my "ah-ha" moment.
I realize the problem all along...
She always said, "This all goes back to the same problem; YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME"
And ironically enough, even though I heard her tell me I wasn't listening, i actually WASN'T!!!
Even though I heard everything my W was telling me I realize now that I wasn't actually listening.
I always had issues with her being intimate, and when I think back she always said that it is hard to be intimate when at times I am such an emotional roller coaster. And in fact I responded that my emotional roll coaster was because of her, always seeming like i was waking up next to a person with diff attitudes (can you imagine how that went?) I heard what she was saying all along but I didn't listen enough to put the pieces together.
My W and I have been separated almost a week now and while she is much less angry there still hasn't been much communication other than talk about the animals and simple chores.
She says please and thank you and says she appreciates the small things I do which I suppose is a good sign.
Which leads me to my next problem.
I truly did fail to recognize our small steps forward, I always wanted everything, and I wanted it now.
I didn't understand why she was still mad, why she didn't want to make love, I DIDN'T LISTEN.
Common Theme?
Anyhow, I am just trying to figure out how to start all of this, but as the book reads, I just have to sit and wait.
Since we aren't living together I have to do some changes and work on myself, and prove to her that I can be the man she wanted, the man she married.
I am just confused and worried that she will never call, never open up lines of communication, never give me a chance =/.
Thanks for reading, and as always thanks for all the support