You need to go to Al anon. You are dealing with an adicit and trying to find reason in his behavior. You are not going to find anything logical.

He can not see your sound judgement because then he would see his unsound judgement.

"Please help me make sense of this. It all seems so tragic."

You are dealing with a disease, a drug addict -- it will not ever make sense until they hit bottom and get help for themselves.

This is not about you and whether or not you were a good mom or wife, this is 100% about their disease

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M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13