Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

Hi! Been swimming all day with the girls. We had a blast.

H texted me this morning & told me when he's be home. His flight lands in 2 hours. Getting a little nervous for his return. I have this eerie feeling that he is going to tell me he is leaving. He won't be able to up & move to OW's state. He would have to go to his mom's. She is on team in_it, so that may help me. He would without a doubt be uncomfortable there. That could help me or hurt me. I'm thinking it could make him want to get to other state even faster.

My parents are coming to town on Monday. I'm going to ask my dad for some money to see my L. There are some legal questions I have about seperation & want to protect our assets & money if he does leave. We can't D in our state while I'm preggers, but if leaves he I want to make sure I can still maintain our home.

Also fighting the urges once again to tell OW that I'm pregnant. I know this is me wanting to shake up his double life, but I know it will hurt me if I was to do so. It's very hard to get these thoughts out of my head.

Turning on my "as if" now so I'll be ready for his return. Wish me luck.