This morning I've been replaying all of the things my H has said since BD. His excuses for leaving and justification have changed considerably.
1. I just want peace and happiness 2. I need to figure out why I'm so difficult to live with. 3. You deserve to be happy. 4. I'll probably only live for 5 more years and you'll live for 25 5. ILYBINILWY 6. You'll probably get married again in two years. 7. When I left I decided I would never put the boys first again. I did that for years and I was unhappy. 8. I don't believe people can change. 9. I had to leave. 10. I won't come back until I believe things will be different. 11. I don't want to give the boys false hope. 12. 50% of M end in D so why am I the bad guy? 13. It's your fault the boys don't have a Dad at home. 14. You are a wonderful person and didn't deserve any of this. 15. It was never my intention that you and the boys suffer. Please ask me if you ever need anything. 16. Let's just move on.
Most recently
17. You are a great person and a great mom. The boys belong with you. 18. We grew apart due to financial pressure.
He seems content to settle on the last statement. With that acceptance he never has to look at his contributions nor does he continue to blame, both would cause him pain. So, in his mind, marriages die when there is financial strain and there isn't anything you can do except leave and pursue D, even if that means hurting your kids, creating legal problems and more financial strain. I just don't understand.
Since he's left I starting working full-time, we have paid off huge debt and the housing market has rebounded, giving us considerable equity. We could be living very comfortably. More importantly, we could give the boys and ourselves the security and joy of an intact family. But none of that matters. H is demanding the D be final and it will be within weeks if a settlement is reached which includes termination of the M.
Please help me make sense of this. It all seems so tragic. I know I need to accept it, but I still want a miracle.
