Hahahaha TVS, good one, Portia's SO sure is comfortably numb! I'm surprised you young chicks are Pink Floyd fans!
Portia, I'm glad you texted your SO, and am so so sorry that you didn't get a better response, but at least he DID respond. That's something right?
I keep remembering that quote that you posted on your thread, from a person named Scout. I copied it in my journal I keep on my phone, and re-read it a lot. I think I will copy DMarie's quote too. They contradict a lot of other people's beliefs, but make perfect sense to me. You wrote that Scout said:
Try to cast your mind into the future. What will happen if there's no contact? Whether or not you come back together again, you're in trouble. If you come back together again, you'll have to overcome a long period of simply not having a relationship. If you don't come back together again, you're still parents together. The family can't stay incommunicado forever. It's a sure way to REALLY screw everyone up.
The longer either of you leaves it, the longer and more difficult it'll be to reestablish contact. If he's in Midlife Crisis it's unreasonable to expect that he will do anything, so darl, it's squarely up to you.
And so my advice to you is to initiate contact, but not without doing some important things first.
First, you need to know who and what you are. You need to have a strong sense of self - independent of the people around you - and a healthy self esteem. Both of these things need to be rock-solid. If you're going to hold your hand out to someone who is dangling over a precipice, you need to make sure you're standing and holding onto something solid yourself. I know that what's happened has in all likelihood given your sense of self a battering, but remember you are a spectacular human being. You are not what people - including your husband - think of you.
Once you've done this, you need to set some boundaries. Do not allow the possibility of conflict when you contact him. Keep communications simple, breezy, and COMPLETLY stress- and emotion-free. Like Phoenix says, "put a smile in your voice". If he's shown the tendency to be hurtful since he entered Midlife Crisis, remove yourself from the situation. One woman found she could remove herself mentally, but sometimes she had to remove herself physically as well. I've found the former impossible, and can only do the latter. A couple of months ago now I let husband know that I would only talk to him if he was polite. If I've felt tension rising, I've said something like, "You know what? Let's talk about this later when we're both calmer, OK?"
Finally, remove expectation from the equation. If you initiate contact but don't expect anything (and I mean ANYTHING - good or bad) there can be no hurt. Chuck it out there. If he takes it, great. If he doesn't, great. You're doing the right thing regardless of his reaction. You contact him. You contact him because this is something YOU want to do, YOU need to do. If he doesn't want it, what does this have to do with you? He's doing what he wants and needs to do, now you do what you want and need to do. It's only a wild guess, but I think that you might him a bit frosty at first - particularly if he's suspicious - but he'll eventually be OK. And like I say, keep it light, bright, breezy. Nothing heavy duty, no talking about your relationship. NO tears! Make phone calls as short as they need to be to keep yourself under control.
I expect the first time you do this will be very difficult. But you can do it.
So by Scout standards, your SO's response was not a bad thing, par for the course for the first contact from a MIA MLCer. And your text was perfect too -- light, breezy, no stress or emotion, and no expectations. You did it because it was something you wanted to do. And he did reply. Maybe he'll text again, maybe not. If not, you can try again in a month or so when you get itchy. Or not -- it's your choice when and if!
Don't think that just because his life does not include you right now, that it never will. Hang in there, you're doing great!
Have a great weekend my friend. Do something fun for you!
