Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[PatientMan]

Do you want to get it off your chest to make you feel better or is it because you're hoping for remorse from her?

Both. I realize (at least) one of them isn't "good", but I'm just being honest.

Sounds like you are taking your W off the pedestal you had her on and seeing the reality. This is a good thing and will help you move on along your path. It helped me stop blaming myself and really start owning just my stuff.

I think so.

But you are right - probably a good thing for me overall.

Again, I think the forgiveness will happen, if you want it to, with time and not based on whether you two R'd or not. That condition of forgiving if you 2 are together or not seems like it could be a harmful way of thinking about it.

Maybe. I'm just trying to honestly evaluate the situation. Forgiveness isn't easy. Forgiveness for something that really hurts? Even harder. Forgiveness for something that really hurts and the person doing the hurting doesn't even acknowledge that they've done any wrong? Probably top of the list hard.

I *think* I was mentally willing to forgive her as long as she - and I'm being sarcastic here as I stop and look back at myself - wised up and came back. Then I got to where I realized that wasn't going to work (maybe 9 months ago), but I pushed it down and away. But it just resurfaced later anyway.

Thanks Spartan. You are making me think.

-PM