And so the piecing begins.....

[Tryin2figuritout]

Here's some more background:
1) Too much taking for granted of my wife on my part as I had dedicated myself to providing through work.

2) Wife felt like I just was not there (I've called it sleepwalking since I've dug deep and seen this....hindsight) for her. Because of this she distanced herself to protect herself and has realized this is what she's done since childhood (protecting).

3) Because of #2, I've become depressed over the past few years, but never realized it until after analyzing, digging deep after she initially told me ILYBINILWY in the fall.

4) We separated at the end of February with our kids staying home and she/I staying at our family's houses when not our designated days. We were signed up for Retrouvaille in March but that week she said no to the retreat and that she wanted a divorce. Since then, I've had a really huge awakening and am on the path to better myself physically, mentally and emotionally.

5) Since her decision to divorce, we've met with the attorneys and drafted up everything, but it has not been filed yet. My state requires a 12-month cooling off period from the date it is filed until it is official. She moved at the end of April into another house, but all this did was delay her dealing with our divorce if that makes sense. She had been completely focused on the move, what she needed, logistics, etc. and then upon finally settling down after moving it's hit her hard.

6) She went to a work conference in a city we've been together before and it was during the same time I took our kids on vacation which meant that it was longest time she'd been away from the kids ever. When she was coming back from the trip, she was ready to talk about bringing the family back together. This past weekend we talked about everything and she's beyond upset about giving up on me. I've tried to tell her that she carried us for a long time (when she was feeling lonely), so don't feel bad. I've forgiven her and even thanked her because I know I wouldn't have had the awakening I did without her pushing for divorce.

7) She's scared because she is putting all the weight on her shoulders about being a failure in our relationship because she trusts me but does not trust herself in trying to reconcile. What I mean by this is she's stated that the only one of us who will screw it up is her because she's afraid her walls will come back up at some point (defense mechanism mentioned earlier). With the tools I've learned through DB/DR and others, I'm confident in what I can bring and how this all can work, but she's not close to understanding the relationship information I have now learned. I also believe she will not really listen or soak in what I'm telling her about this yet as she's looking for guidance from our family counselor.

LL - She's action and I'm words/quality time. Problem is I've always used words for her and missed out on actions. Note to self ;-)

I don't think there's much to pull back as I hit the brakes big time after last weekend because I could sense her fear. I'm just being the best dad I can be, continuing to listen, listen, listen to her, but not really bring up the relationship. Just being positive, which she's noticed, and enjoying myself.

I think the hardest part here is seeing the door open, but knowing I can't open it more. I need to keep my expectations to nothing at all and just ride the wave. When she's ready to open the door (if this happens) I think she will. I think this will happen very slowly and I need to understand this. I'm obviously glad to be in this position, but it shakes you up tremendously as you can't help but get excited and lose a little control of yourself.

Hope this helps and again appreciate your feedback!!

Trying