Don't understand, why now???? Plus what do I do??

[ct man 1969]

To all thanks for your input thus far.

Kaffe Diem, she hasn't really brought up any complaints over the last 6 months, before that it was always about my drinking and not spending time with her and the girls. But even before she told me she wanted the divorce, I addressed and acted on and 180'd all of those complaints she's previously voiced. Recently she's told me that I don't have any friends and that I don't go do things outside of the house and that I need to GAL. While I don't have many friends, the ones I have are very good friends and I liken them to brothers.

But she so much wants to not be under this roof, I'm having to find things to do with the kids and don't have time for other adults right now. She basically is out of this house as many hours as possible. She tells me it's because she doesn't want to be around me, but that's not as excuse. First of all I go out each Tuesday night to a friends house for a couple of hours, Wednesday nights I go with the girls to church for about 2 hours, Friday nights I go to an addiction support group for up to 4-5 hours. I was going to the gym every day for about 2 hours, but after about 2 and half months of that she equated that as the same as her not coming straight home and going to the bar. I've stopped going now. But, even if I'm home, what's to stop her from coming home from work and taking the girls somewhere? But she hardly does that, she's too busy trying to make herself happy going to friends houses or bars. Oh and by the way, this was a woman that would drink maybe 5 to 10 drinks per year (special occasions) and now I smell alcohol on her breath often.

We had originally scheduled Friday nights like this. Friday nights were going to be my wives nights to do what she pleased. She could go out and party, she can stay home w/ the our girls, she take our girls somewhere, or stay home alone. I would find a place for the girls to go if she wanted to go out b/c that was my addiction program night as well. I was originally dropping off the girls @ a friends house so that I could go to my meetings while she opted to have activities excluding our girls. After about 3 months of this I asked her if she was ever going to choose spending time with the girls on a Friday night over spending time with her friends. The next week she did and I later found out that my wife had left my younger one home alone (my older one was at a friends house). The next week I got a text while at my meeting b/c my wife left them both home alone and said she'd be right back. Two hours later she still hadn't returned. So I had to leave my meeting.

As of my kids knowing about the divorce of course my children know. They also realized and I've heard them say to their mom that they don't understand why she wouldn't put any effort toward repairing our marriage. She never has really put any effort forward since my sobriety.

I have brought up custody and that's our main bone of contention and the reason I'm contesting the terms of the divorce. Money and possessions aren't as important to me as my girls. She says that too, but just doesn't show it.

Actually I sat the girls down yesterday and told them they need to be respectful and loving to their mother. Honoring their mother and father is a biblical commandment, and even though they don't respect their mothers choices right now, they need to respect her at all times. If they take issue with anything they do have a right to voice their concern, but never in a rude, yelling, accusatory way. They are to calmly voice their concern or complaint.

The main thing with the girls is they're feeling abandoned as much as I do. That's the biggest thing. They've also told me that they feel like her friends are more important than them. And that's exactly why I'm fighting for custody.

Sorry this is so long winded. And thanks for everyone's input so far. God bless!!