Wild Horses (couldn't drag me away)

[RosaLinda]

"W's email revelation reminded me of how horrible I feel for my actions on that night in March last year. It truly hurts me to think that I have inflicted such lasting pain on the one I love the most. I hoped time, combined with my actions over the last 15 months would have healed this wound, but it doesn't sound like it has. Some say professional help will be required to fix this. Do you think this is true?"

You poor man. Yes, you tried to take advantage of your W when you were both drunk, but the greater psychological pain was caused by her brother when she was a little kid. When I was in law school, I did an internship with the DA working as a sexual assault nurse, and the most horrific thing to me was the physical and emotional pain inflicted on the youngest victims, generally by a trusted and loved relative. This is the nightmare your W needs professional help to fix. I think (my opinion only) that if she gets help dealing with that long ago horror, she'll be better able to understand and forgive this more recent incident that looms so horrible in her memory and imagination, but probably was nothing like she "remembers" at all. 

"In a way, the revelation of this email may help me to stand, because it makes it easier for me to focus on her needs, (healing, feeling comfortable enough to trust) instead of my pain. 

It also makes it easier to understand why she probably doesn't have an OM. 

I have not brought up the incident since the first week after BD. Thanks to the consensus from all you fine folks here, I will continue to stick to this plan while being the best H I can be."

You're a good man. We all admire your fortitude so much. FY, I'm flabbergasted sometimes when my H spews some particularly hurtful BS, and I think this is it, this time he's leaving me for the RT OW for sure, but then the next morning he's chattering away like nothing happened. I'm glad for your sake that your W is acting pretty normal, happy even, and that this glimpse into her pain will help you stand a bit more easily.