Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

Looks like I'm going to need to start a new thread soon...I'll get on that in the morning.

Went to dinner & MIL called. She asked if the girls could spend the night. I couldn't stand to tell them no. So, here I am home alone with my thoughts. This has me contemplating bed very soon.

I think my pep talk is wearing off. Boo. I've prayed so much today, it's crazy. I had a prayer partner at church tell me a couple of weeks back that on bad days for her she says 100's of prayers day sometimes. She said when her mind starts taking over & she sees herself going where she knows she has no business going she prays. I tried this today. Along with coming here to post I think it's helped me. Sometimes just a 3-4 word sentance.

The power of prayer is pretty amazing. I can say since BD I have definitely become more one with my faith.

Being pregnat is sometimes scary. To think about what is happening right inside of me, man. And I've got 2 this time! I know I'm going completely random right now, but I don't want to be alone. So, you all are just going to have to keep on reading.

RT, Dallas is a little more than 3 hours from me. I almost drove there just to drive somewhere earlier this week. On Wednesday. I was off of work & I had just found out about H returning on Saturday & didn't know what to do. I ended up sleeping for 6 hours that afternoon.

T-my BIL & his W live in Tulsa. They love it there. It's a pretty cool city. Not too far from me, so we get to see them often. My his wife is awesome, he is too. I know it's weird, but they are actually 2 people that know about my sitch...even the pregnancy & the twins. She texts me about every 2 days or so with inspiration or just to touch base. I love it. She has never once asked me of things are ok or how I'm doing. She lets me reach out to her in those moments. My BIL will randomly email me to check in. It's cute. They both have told me many of times that they are here for me & the girls. It makes me sad for my H. But they know as much as I do that he is not right right now. His brother hurts so bad for him. He wants him to let it all out to somebody, but H refuses C & says he doesn't want to be judged by a chaplain or pastor.

RT-also, your right. That statement I made about wanting to be wanted was brutally honest. When I read it back it hit me to the core. I think that's the first time I've admitted that 'out loud'. It makes me feel like I am weak & I don't like that.

I think I may go to Braum's. All I've done is eat today. Dang Bueno, started it all.