"Yes, I've apologized a lot. But my actions have not changed a lot."

You do see that this was the issue right?

"I'm holding onto my victimhood like it's a life-preserver."

Yep. Time to get over that my friend.

"I believe that her affair is ruining my life. But until I stop believing that, it will be true."

Then start doing it.

"And I will have something to blame, yippee!, but I will have a ruined life."

Seriously? Get over the melodrama. YOU control your destiny. YOU can do whatever you set your mind to do.

Good luck.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER