need help

[mizjjd]

Hi Kelela!

Welcome to the DB boards.

I am sorry you are going through so much pain. But you have found a great place to come and read and share your story.

I know that I'm not alone I do feel like that

I feel alone too. That's a hard part of this, but it will get better as time passes. One thing that will make this better/easier is to find new things to do. Dubious Hills had some good suggestions for you.

Kelela, One good way I have found to be detached is to make plans and not change them. Like, join a knitting group, take up a physical hobby like running, something like that. The key thing is, you have got to have something in your life other than your marital troubles, something you enjoy, or these worries and fears will consume you.

I have tried to show more affectionate towards him but he just like is not emotionally here.

Don't do this!! You are very very right when you say he "is not emotionally there". Affection = pursuit and that's not going to help you.

I know that he needs time to figure out what he wants but how long I'm I surprise to keep going this way.

He needs time, and so do you. This whole thing will change both of you - its up to YOU to make sure the change is for the better. And dig deep for patience because "how long" could be a year, or two. Possibly even more. But plan on at the very least a year.

So look at it this way, YOU only have one year to make a better Kelela! Make your world right now all about you. Your H is going to do what ever he is going to do. You can't do anything to fix/change him, his changes have to come from within himself or they aren't real and true.

I'd be very interested to hear if you have set any goals for yourself. What would you like to do? What would you like to learn? What would you like to change about yourself? What about you are you happiest with?

Keep the focus on YOU!