Hey PM, thought I'd stop by. See we have some mutual friends.
Here's the thing. You feel what you feel. There are no "right" or "wrong" feelings.
You do want to feel them, then when you are ready, let them wash over you because if you hold onto them, they weigh you down and sap your energy.
When we are going through all this, we are grieving the end of the relationship as we knew it. And so, you are going to go through the steps of grieving. And they dont happen in order. You go through them and then back again before the whole process is finished.
This is tough stuff, PM. But the only way to do it, is through it.
As far as forgiving your wife - the first step in that is forgiving yourself. Telling her what she did to hurt you or expecting her to say she is sorry does not serve you well. It serves no real purpose. Because even if she tells you she is sorry, it does not take away the hurt. The only one who can do that is you.
When you release the anger and hurt by forgiving, it will propel you forward.
And you need to ask yourself a few questions. How does it serve me not to forgive her? Can it hurt or harm any future relationship with her or someone else?
PM, the things that hurt you might remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for your wife.
It doesn't mean that you deny your wife’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. It is a commitment to a process of change.
This is all part of your journey, PM. You will get there when you do. There is nothing wrong with taking space if you need it.
Dbing should be about you becoming who you were meant to be first and foremost, and sometimes it saves relationships.
