Riding the storm out, or at least trying to!

[Takevowsserious]

Thank you all for surrounding me with so much love. I don't know what I would do without you

Dear UW ~
As always, read your post repeatedly. Takes me several times to really soak it all in.

I am sorry that your sister experienced the loss of a baby also. I can say that it forever changed me. Maybe such a small change, not detectable even by those closest to me. But it's there.

I have such an appreciation for my children though, and for that I am thankful.

When Raine talked about the scars from this MLC possibly fading, I can see how that it possible. Although the thought of what happened still can bring sadness to me, sometimes even tears, it is nothing like the raw pain when it happened. It is like a sad distant memory now.

Oh, how I would like all of this to be a distant memory!

As I read what you wrote about what your xh said about OW, I thought, YES!
"It was two people lost, who felt that no one else understood them."

I have thought this from very early on. They both alienated the people they were close to in their lives, then turned around and blamed it on them. I'm sure they validated what the other was doing, what they were feeling. They could be each others shoulder to cry on, "Oh whoa is me!"

"How could I have loved her, UW? She was more broken than I was. I used the act of trying to fix her to get me to forget about what was broken in me."

As you like to say... abso-freakin-lutely!

She has always had a myriad of problems and issues. She was just waiting for the knight in shining armor to come save her, and he was looking for a way to feel good about himself.

But if they are continually meeting each others needs this way, what would ever get them to stop? Besides the obvious that they are married, have a family, are continually lying to everyone in their lives...

Then again, reality always comes a knocking, right?

I can believe that he doesn't remember all the times they were together. I would imagine a lot of the past 17 months is just a big blur. But unfortunately, I think a five day beach trip is going to be a little tougher to forget

Linda, I do believe God has plans for me. Can't wait to see what they are

And Raine you are right, if I didn't love him, it wouldn't hurt so much. But also if I didn't love him, I wouldn't have been able to make it this long. He may be living here, but I am doing my best to let him go and find his way.

I totally believe you could get to side crow girl!

Thanks for stopping by rH. You are sweet

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So today is S2's (now 3!) birthday. I can't believe my little peanut is 3!!!

H has a work event tonight, which is legit. But he didn't come home in between when work was over and the event, said it would be too rushed.

There was a 3 1/2 hour gap. Ummm, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be rushed lol!

So I met my parents, and we all went out to dinner at a restaurant of S3's choosing. Haven't heard a peep from H.

Tomorrow is our anniversay. Haven't heard a peep about that either.

Sunday is S3's birthday party. Could I pack more fun into this weekend? Lol!

I had to go to a different location for work today, and saw H's xbf.
He said it was good to see me, gave me a big hug. Didn't say anything about H. I could be wrong, but I think I sensed a bit of sadness from him. Guess that's what happens when your best friend of 25 years up and turns into a stranger, shutting you out in the process.

Something else interesting...
H has days when he's distant, days when he's not. I would say he stopped being cold and mean quite some time ago.

Last night he was Mr. Friendly and chatty.

Well, my back was really bothering me. I've had neck and back problems for years, go to a chiropractor when I can.

H continually asks me for scratches, lotion applications, and rubs and I have not asked for one thing in return. So yesterday I figured, what the heck... I'm going to ask him to crack my back.

This is something he used to always do. He would stand behind me as I put my hands on my face, wrap his arms around me, then pick me up as I exhale, cracking my back. He hasn't done this since bomb.

I asked him, and he did it. Quite gladly, actually. Didn't act weird or strange afterwards, in fact, he was even more friendly than usual.

He even shared some you tube videos he thought were funny, and are you ready for this, let me hold his sacred phone lol!

But I know ho bag will be there tonight, and who knows where they will go afterwards. Boo

Doesn't matter, I have a busy weekend ahead... Cleaning, shopping, laundry, party preparation. I'm taking S3 to get a fish tomorrow for his birthday - I can't wait

Sorry for the long post. Thanks again for all of your support. I am one lucky gal