Wait it out - or shake it up?

[mrtwopointfour]

Hello All, I've not posted about me for a while. Mainly because I didn't feel the need, and secondly because I am becoming paranoid that my W will discover my postings. Even though I try to be vague, she is very intelligent and would put the pieces together easily enough - silly i know!

Here is my last thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...585#Post2345585

Not a lot has happened since I posted. Life at home is good, we are mostly getting on well and parenting together well. Thats about it, still living separate lives when the sunsets, but cooking for each other, spending time together with the kids at other times, ie weekends. Still planning a vacation for the kids.

I still have feelings for my W, still love her and want the best for her, and that's an honest feeling. I am still very attracted to her at times, but not others. I do feel like i am detached as well as i can be right now, and by that i mean i don't feel that what she does really concerns me too much, I don't worry so much about what she up to and who she is talking to. Not sure if its because i have detached or whether i have given up on her a little.

Over the past few weeks i have thought a lot about life without my W, and i have to be honest as scary and sad as it is, I also find it quite exciting. I have been looking at possible houses, a place that could be MINE! And sometimes I drive home at night and on the long drive wonder whether it would be nice if I was not going home to my W. I also get excited about a life with somebody new; a person that loves me, excites me, and is equally excited by me.

This may all sound strange, and I would like nothing more than for our M to survive and for us to be in love again. But right now I do wonder whether its for the best, or if thats what I want. I am not sure i can imagine ML to my W any more, not sure how i would feel about it.

She of course is still set on D, set on going our own way. And even though there has been no mention of the D word for weeks now, we have had conversations about being apart, how we would need to do things when it happens, and all of the normal little comments. I have found a way to answer to these now, a way that does not agree or show me as being uneasy - i just answer in a way that is vague and non committed. For example W says 'you need to get used to watering the plants yourself', i will reply with 'yes that is true' - my thoughts are whether we are D or together its probably still correct that i should learn to do water the plants myself!

My thoughts on OM. If there is one, I don't give a sh*t right now. Not going to ask, not going to spy, not going to think about it all the time (of course its on my mind a little), but at the end of the day - she wants it, she'll go get it - because in her mind we are no longer in a R, the M is just paperwork that needs correcting!

I do worry that I am not DBing enough, that I am slipping back into old 2.4 mode. I am pretty sure i am not, at the end of the day the changes i have made are still there, I am still better in many aspects of my personality and physical appearance. Some things are hard to maintain, and i had to drop a couple to avoid exhausting myself.

With the way life is, I could carry on like this for a while longer. Eventually my W will move out, move on and see if its what she wants, she just needs a job to enable her to do that. And she will in time. So I am wondering whether or not what i am doing is keeping things pleasant, friendly, and showing W that the new me, who i do enjoy being, but not really doing enough to rescue the M.

I know i can't fix her, and nothing i can do will change things quickly. But should i be trying some more drastic measures, or stick with the plan as is and wait it out?