MrBond, you always inspire in me a great urge towards defensiveness. But of course, that's silly, since I want to get better and your replies are always in the spirit of helpfulness. Yes, I've apologized a lot. But my actions have not changed a lot. I say often to myself and everyone that I'm trying to change. "I'm doing my best." But I think that if I am brutally honest with myself, it's all hogwash. I'm holding onto my victimhood like it's a life-preserver. I believe that her affair is ruining my life. But until I stop believing that, it will be true. And I will have something to blame, yippee!, but I will have a ruined life.
