Pushing Forward 2

[adinva]

Hey, JP, you're getting good help here. Keep at it. I was thinking along the poor me lines too, thinking that you were so incredibly hard on yourself, and so verbal about it, that it was almost a way of coddling yourself...if you're so much worse than anyone else's bad, so much worse that they can't even understand, then you have good reason for never getting better. What can anyone say? They don't understand. Guess what, they do, and they're still here helping you. You have to accept the help and stop the catastrophic thinking that allows you to justify not changing. No excuses. Forgive yourself just enough to get yourself up off the ground and back to healing, one step at a time, one day at a time, one action at a time.

If you love how your W is so kind, instead of using that as an opportunity to beat yourself up look at it as an opportunity to learn something. Try emulating her ways that you admire.

But what I really wanted to say, because here I can really relate. Something bad happened, and you want to hold onto that bad, nurture it and love it, and let it keep you from being like other people and let it absolve you from having to get better. Weird but true because I did it too... But you're holding onto, and nurturing, your hurt over a complete amateur getting in over her head and making and breaking a promise to you. Do you get that? It wasn't about you or how infinitely bad you are...you just believed someone who thought they could help and couldn't. It was about her flaw, not yours. You have to keep looking for the person who is qualified to help you, and not defining yourself by how unqualified, unprepared, inadequate people responded poorly to your trouble.

I see more reason to be encouraged for you now than when you were just admitting your flaws. When you accept that you're human just like other people, no worse, and capable of healing just like other people, you show real promise. Keep going!