J, as I have told you before, there is just something about you that touches me.
I want you to know some things. Having a horrific childhood does something to a person. They do not learn the coping skills they need to get through life. It often stems from not feeling safe as a child. That leads to fear and feelings of unworthiness.
The actions you take as an adult are what you knew, what you learned.
I am not making an excuse for you. I am telling you that I understand what you are feeling.
And the more you work on you, the more you understand why you act the way you do, the better able you are to make different choices.
I understand because I didnt learn certain things as a child. I didnt learn what it was to feel safe. I didnt learn what it was to be loved unconditionally.
But when I knew better, I did better.
I understand the fear of being rejected. Once you learn to love you, that fear will go away.
And you will, J. It is not going to happen overnight. It is not going to happen because you want it to. It happens through hard work and perserverance.
So, the very first step is in you wanting it. It is a promise to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to become the person you want to be - no matter what. It is a promise that no matter how hard it gets, that you will not quit. It is a belief that this is the most important thing you can do in your life.
I can hit you with 2x4's all day long, J. They dont mean a thing if you are not ready to hear it. They dont mean a thing if you're not all in.
I know this is so overwhelming for you and scary. And I am not going to lie and say it is going to be easy because it's not. I am going to tell you that if you do the work, your life can be forever changed and you can become whole.
It is a choice, sweetie, that only you can make. More importantly, make it a promise. A promise that you will not quit if it gets hard. You will not run and hide if something stings because if it does, there is some truth to it.
And I can promise you, you will not regret it.
Do not try to figure yourself out all at once.
Just do one thing, J. Pick one thing. It starts one moment at a time.
