It took me two years to reach the point of where I could lay down my pride and resentment and truly tell my H I was sorry, and to stop pointing fingers. He wouldn't go with me to see a MC, or anybody, and we had nobody to help us as a couple. The help I received was right here on this board. It was LBH's just like you who taught me how badly I had hurt the man who loved me the most. Even admitting to the board members (and my H) what I had done was wrong, I still had not hit that point of being humble. I would go to church, and I would pray that God would help me to feel remorse instead of resentment. I had years & years of resentment toward my H built up in me. I prayed for God's forgiveness, but it took a long time before I could even start to forgive myself.
So, you see, "knowing" I was wrong was the first step, but it's not enough to heal a M. Being raised in a very strict Christian home, and having a set of great role models (parents) placed a high value on M & family. So, I knew my heart was not what it should be in order to have a happy M with my H. What I'm trying to say is that I had a lot of stuff to work out in me. I had to actually forgive my H (even though he never asked b/c he didn't think he had done anything wrong), and then I had to stop blaming him for the past.
...and it makes me realize again how much I hurt her and that I should just STFU and leave her be. Hearing from me what she did to me probably won't facilitate anything positive for her.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
