Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

Ok. I responded with Tallula's suggestion of "Sounds good." This is hard. Now that he has opened up some communication it just makes me want to find another reason to keep texting him. Ugh. He replied back with an "ok".

I just really want to ask him if he's checked out? If he text about Sunday so he could come home & it be peaceful. Is he just buying more time while he gets all his ducks in a row.

I still can't help but to feel that I may be ready for him to just go. I really don't think deep down that's what I want, but it feels so real. I think I just want him to hurt. No more door mat for me. No more best of both worlds for him. With my emotions today I think I'm just having the feeling of wanting it all to be over. I've got to get through this. I can do it.