I will go with Cadet here and suggest you, first, give your W some time and space and second, use this time to focus on you....think about the things you don't like about yourself, or things that you didn't like about your role in the marriage. Start digging into those things.
Have you read DR/DB? Start there, but afterwards, check out the Five Love Languages. It sounds like you may just not have been clicking on that front. Throw in an extended period of time, babies, and depression, and it doesn't seem unusual.
It sounds like you have at least been coached to do the right things....stick to it. Being patient is really hard, giving your spouse space is hard, focusing on you is really hard....but those are the best things you can do for your M at this time.
