LA I can't read them. Honestly can just see who they are coming from once and awhile. We live under same roof so her phone is out on counter and a txt my come in while I am standing there. It is obvious to when she is hiding phone. It is childish. Honestly she could be just venting or gaining support from a divorced guys perspective. I am really trying to stop figuring out crazy. Wednesday she sat and ate dinner with me and watched hockey. Thursday and today dead silent. Not worth my time and energy.
Last night was really awesome at alanon. I was the only male there but I didn't care. The support that came from that group radiated. They told me not to make any life altering changes. To keep coming and fix yourself. I am going to committ to going to this group weekly. It is much closer to my house and a better fit then ACOA. I have a 3 pm call today with my sponsor.
Open MIC was awesome. Another group of people who are just well supportive. My W use to always put me down and tell me I couldn't sing. So guess what I'm not a singer but I get up there each week and they cheer me out. Ripped out some Stevie Ray, Buffet, and the Who last night. It was awesome!
Journaling today. I had to stay home today D had preK graduation. W absolutely dead silent to me. She literally got mad at me because I ran the dishwasher and the dishes were clean in there. LOL. OH well didn't know. So after show I came home with her and D and decided to work from coffee shop instead of at home. Give me some sanity space.
I'll report back what my Alanon rep says today. I'm going to start putting this all in my higher powers hand.
She did get pissy when I told her I had a meeting last night. She was like meeting? Meeting for what. I said I will have them every Thursday and will need coverage for the kids. Maybe she thought I was having a lawyer meeting or something. Whatever I need to recover and the only way is through this 12 step program. They were confident they can help me with my codependency issues. In which will help with anxiety and detachment.
From a thread on MLC which rings HOME to me and it is so true:
Depression sign #28: ML'ERS HAVE MAJOR MOOD SWINGS
This is a very obvious sign of depression but worth writing about. Family members who witness this depression sign often feel like they are going insane. The frequency of the mood swings with mid-lifers varies. Some experience rapid cycling, others much slower. Loved ones describe their mid-lifers as having Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde personalities. They begin to feel like they are walking on egg-shells. The littlest thing can set the mid-lifer into a rage or period of depression. Some family members may feel their mid-lifer is on drugs. These mood swings may or may not affect the work environment. Some mid-lifers are better at controlling what they let others see. This therefore leaves the LBS feeling responsible for the mood swings and their world begins to fill with self-doubt.
Regarding the meeting and your W getting "pissy" (based on your experience of her response), you were thinking
Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
Maybe she thought I was having a lawyer meeting or something. Whatever I need to recover ...
It's good that you caught yourself in your thoughts. Still, it need to be MORE than "whatever" That is in many ways, likely an anger response by you. I'm just putting that out there for you to consider.
Your meetings will likely help you to deal with that. You may want to work on forcing into your mind, immediately upon noticing your W's spew or the anxiety welling up inside you, that your W is confused, she herself is reacting and unable to deal with her emotions, and that you care about her and hope she finds her peace.
As much as we suggest LBS stop thinking about their MLCer, in your case, your own anxiety is actually INWARD. So in your case, you should be thinking OUTWARD and the pain others are in, rather than immediately going to YOUR pain.
Yes, that includes the texting. Remember, as discussed earlier, the texting trigger isn't about the OM. Rather, it's likely about you feeling abandoned or judged. So you go to your pain and get anxious.
Whether your W is texting OM or some enabler/supporter... remember, she is confused and looking elsewhere for support, no matter who it is. Consider HER pain, rather than your own.
Thx KD. I am reading up on MLC now and I am learning this must be very hard on her too.
I'm finally learning through alanon to stop taking things personal. It's not about me. I think your self esteem gets so beat down during this process you actually start to believe it is about you.
I am talking to my alanon sponsor in a few minutes. He told me point blank to put off making any life changing moves. He told me to fix myself and see what happens. I'm calling him now
