Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

Oh, bug thank you! I'm so worried that I'm just going to blurt out for him to leave when he gets home. I have a little over 24 hours to get my head straight & not say something to him when he gets home that I'll regret.

The fact is, I'm not sure I want him to leave? Would I be ok if he did? Absolutely. I fear if he leaves it truly will be the end. He'll never come back. I feel that if he did leave though it would almost be a huge sense of relief. Like I could get everything off of my chest. When people asked where he was, I could tell them that he left me & we are having problems. H's fear is that he does not want everyone to find out what we are going through. I agree if we are going to be together & work things out, but not if he is going to actually leave. It might be good for him to face some of this stuff head on. He doesn't want to be judged. Well, sorry. It's going to happen.

His original plan was to be transferred & be able to just leave & not face his friends or family face to face. Well, that backfired. He's not getting that transfer, so he would be stuck here having to face it.

I know I'm still rambling. Sorry.