If he "thinks about/texts another/sleeps with another woman" you say you don't know how you'll feel about it. Is that true? I can think of many ways I'd feel, angry, hurt, disrespected, lied to. Setting a boundary is not to change his behavior but to protect you and I know you know this as I've seen you write it here and you've done it.
I'm wondering what's different here or maybe I'm misunderstanding. I'm not trying to pick apart your choice, just to understand. I learn so much from others here.
I don't even know if I'd really be hurt anymore. It's more like I expect the same from him, which is my LARGE reservation to atempting an R with him. I am surprised daily by his positive actions. We have spoken at great length over the past 3 weeks, both in counciling and together about our sitch. I really have seen a change, but it might not matter as far as a M relationship.
That might be my boundary should I chose to try an R with him. Which, as he knows, could be a long time before I decide. It is not my boundary for him to live in the home. He wants to be a faithful person. I'm giving him the time. The honesty is the first step. But, he also is well aware that I just don't know. He knows that it could be a conseqence. He could come home tonight, tell me he slept with someone and I could decide he needed to move out. I never said "Oh yea, just be honest with me and I'll keep putting up with this." Nope. He also knows that could push me over to completely closing the door to M, which he also knows is only about a 1/2 inch open right now anyway.
I don't know if that makes any sense. It's not like I don't still love him, but I know who he is. He sleeps with OW. He lies. So, we'll see. I don't take it personally anymore. His sleeping with OW has nothing to do with my worth as a human being anymore. He is profoundly messed up. He isn't jerking my emotions around, because I do have boundaries. I haven't listed them all here, but no trying for sex with me is a big one. So far, he has respected that.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
