Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[RealityTrip]

I will. I'm not going to contact her. I know there is no good in that. Good. I know you’ve got this.

Right now the hardest thing is not texting him. I don't want to start anything, so I'm not going to text because at this point I know it probably wouldn't be anything nice. You want him to acknowledge your anniversary… Expectation. He probably won’t. You are not a mirror he is strong enough to look into today. It’s not a reflection of himself he wants to see.

I did by H a card last week. Here's my question...do I give it to him tomorrow when he gets home? Leave it on his night stand? Throw it away? It's nothing mushy. Pretty generic. Why do you want to give it to him? Do you have an expectation of a reciprocal card? Fill it out, seal it, put it in your nightstand. You can always give it to him later if you choose.

Also I'm feeling like I don't know how to act when he gets home??? Do I talk to him? I'm certain he will be very cold & distant. I know it will be extremely uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. You talk to him. Not about R or anniversary or M. You act “As If”. You reread Sandi’s Rules 50 times before he comes home. He probably WILL be cold and distant. You can handle it. He’s done it before. If he initiates acknowledgement of today’s date, is nice to you, or pleasant. You respond in kind. Hold no expectations. Protect yourself.

Sorry, my mind is racing & this post has turned out to be a mess & all over the place. I'm so confused & hurt right now. Hurt. That’s the key. You know all of this is coming from pain. You allowed yourself an expectation of what he would do today and he has not met it (so far). Regroup your focus and eliminate expectations.

When H left on Monday morning he gave me a huge hug, embraced me. It felt nice. He told me he cares Tuesday morning in a text & then Tuesday night I find out he's not coming home until Saturday. Oh, and technically he told D7-not me.

It’s not going to be an easy day sweetie. But look how far you’ve come and remember everything you’ve learned and worked for thus far. You can do it. Read the Rules again. They will refocus you and give you a boost of strength.

I’m here for you ALL DAY!!!! :):):):) Cuss, scream, throw rocks at me! Lol!!!