I think we are in the same place emotionally. Your W and my H seem to need that trust that someone will be there if they fall. I told H that while I would not pull him back up, I would be the wall against which he could rest until he was ready to get up on his own.
It is not an easy place to live in, where you choose. When we are perfectly aware that when S finally stands again, they may not want to be with us.
