COULD YOU SPEAK FOR ME MORE OR WHAT.: i honestly can't believe the things that come out of your mouth- it's me toomuch:
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I was soo angry yesterday I could have blown a gasget. Should learn German to be real effective! save your time- it's gutteral and "hard" sounding- but no real profanity or slang - not too satisfying- be british- they've got slang and then some Plus, I was hoping to get through to this latin macho son-of-a bleep, tho he wasn't even here!
yeah- i know, i go aorund screaming at the phone sometimes - it's not too satisfying but sometimes makes me laugh thru my rage when i hear self yelling at inanimate object!
I took FY's advice and didn't give him my anger! Today I am better! I can see now that my anger has it's peeks and valleys, but I must remain steady. I also see I am mostly angry at being alone, alone and he has a friend! The man who hated people, bbq's and company, has a fricken friend!
GGEEEEEZ - ME TOO. THIS ratty man of mine- (w4ell, was mine) was that also ! alllll loner and hermit-ie except me , and now this. now i find out he's all mr. social city - without me in it. what a raw deal. i forgo it all for years and years to be by his side - continually - and now he's got his big ole social network and i'm the dope. I CONTINUALLY peak and then feel contrition, wonder wtf - how i'll get thru this- REMIND MYSELF ANGER IS NOT THE ANSWER- IT HURTS ME NOT HIM- HATE IS NOT THE ANSWER - would love the relief of just hating him tho! i'm still in stfu mode.
So maybe I am mad at myself, or my sitch and I'm giving it all to him, not that he doesn't deserve it, but it won't help my healing or R if I give it all too him. Right now I am stuck, I will continue to be a fraud, smile and do my best to be have a life! ______
i am a fraud also- i hate it....
GEEEEE WIZ AGAIN & AGAIN- me too - i'm so mad at myself on a nightly basis- wake up- chastise myself for not DECIDING - JUST DO IT- JUST DO SOMETHING...ETC. but, no quick fix and no quick answer and NOTHING BETTER TO RUN TO...
IF ONLY - IF ONNLY we could snap our fingers and have the new life in place just like them- me too - I AM SO MAD he's got companionship and excitement and i do not. these stinking jerks that have it all lined up- were lining it all up while we were going around being our good old supportive - loving- giving selves.
i don't want to change either- i get it that a loving person is someone you want to keep- i do it- i am false also- i hate that too - and yet - i continue. for me tho- this business of two houses - i am sooooo torn - i don't have time now to go into THAT mess.
gotta get dressed for work- not enough sleep by a few hours- wah- hair screwie - raining- blah blah blah
it does make me talk and laugh and interact and i do like people- collecting new acquaintences and experiences every day tho- so that's a good thing. it's entertainment...
chat later- hope your day is good- hope this is all worthwhile on some basis for us- all i can hope for.
keep reminding myself forget the past - whattya got here? whattya want here? can you do it? achieve it"? who the heck knows?
can't do it- but tell myself anyway- pma? brainwashing- we're trying.
xxoo (()) hang on- somehow it's so wierdly comforting to her another person alive has had same sort of r with a wierd guy- no wonder everyone have been scratching their heads for yeears about what he and i are doing together!!!
