The "normal" response around here might be for you to respect his request and not do his laundry or clean his room.
The problem with that is, as you suspect, your H could see that as more of the same behaviour.
I agree with Fixer. You may want to be sure to, at least ASK your H if he wants you to do his laundry. You could just make mention on the days that you are doing laundry, that you WILL be doing so and if he wants anything washed, to put it in the laundry basket or laundry room.
As far as his room goes, if you has any suspicion that he is not keeping it clean (like he's living like a teen), then let him know that while you want to respect his wish of not cleaning his room, the reality is bedding gets dirty too and needs to be cleaning and also there is a need to vacuum etc in his room for simple reasons such as keeping control of potential insect or vermin issues, among other reasons.
That would be a healthy way of ensuring you can fulfil that 180.
Also, I didn't notice if you responded to my question on whether you felt you really WOULD be ready for a hetero, monogomous R. Whether with your H or some other man. That is possibly a choice you will have to make if you wish to save your M.
