I was thinking about you today. I have some things I want to say to you, if I may.
I want you to know that when I post to you, it is heartfelt and true. I am not just telling you what I think you want to hear. I hope you know that.
I know firsthand how very difficult it is to have the mlcer at home. No matter how detached you are, there is always that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Some days you dont notice it much, some not at all, but, it is always there.
And the feeling is one filled with so many things. It is the feeling that your life has shifted, that your equilibrium is thrown off. You were cruising along, and then a great, big tractor trailer cut you off.
It is unsettling to have your balance thrown, to have the things and people you counted on without a single thought, change before your eyes.
And for you, to have a friend backstab you, is an added heartbreak.
I have been posting here a long time. I care about everyone to whom I post. I think of the sitches more often than I care to admit.
But every once in awhile, someone touches my heart in a special way. I feel a connection, a spark, that I cant quite explain. I feel it with you.
I find myself rooting for you and praying for you and getting angry and sad along with you.
I know part of the reason is because I admire the stuff you are made of. Part of it is your wonderful sense of humor and irony, partly because I get you.
And I want you to know that I know without a single doubt in my mind that no matter what happens, you will be ok.
T, your h is in such a bad way. He is. I can feel his turmoil. His itching and his spinning are all part of it. It is so very sad to me.
I know that this trip is causing you pain. How could it not?
I hope you really believe that the ow is nothing. She could be anyone. He was looking for anything to stop the hurting. That is why they choose people who are broken - because a healthy person would not be having an affair with a married man. They are two fractured people who cannot figure out how to fix themselves. And so they get caught up in this as a way of blocking out the real issues - that start with themselves.
I remember when my xh went away with her. It was my 25th wedding anniversary. I thought I would never get through that week, T.
At first I imagined them laughing together at me, knowing what day it was. And then I realized, that day was mine. It marked a special day in my life. They couldnt taint it. They couldnt touch it.
And as I started to think more and more, I saw so clearly that it really was all out of my control and that the only thing I could control was me. So I decided that I wasnt going to allow what they were doing to interfere with me and my journey. I released the pain and really began to accept that whatever was going to happen, was supposed to happen.
That isnt to say that I still didnt hurt. I did. But, I felt calmer, more at peace. And I got through that week, T. I did some special stuff for myself. I made plans with some special people.
I think we experience shifts often in life. Sometimes they are so small we dont even feel them. By the end of that week, I felt a shift in me. I knew that I would be ok. I knew that no matter what, I had loved with all my heart, the best way I knew how. I knew that I was becoming the person I was meant to be. I knew that I was loved and was blessed. And I knew that I would not allow what they were doing to taint that.
T, I know this is going to be hard. I wish that I could take away the hurt and the feeling of betrayal that you feel. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be ok. I cant.
I can tell you that there is a reason for everything. I believe that with all my heart. I can tell you that you are an incredible person. I can tell you that if you trust in Him, all things are possible.
I have two people that I know, one who is very close to me, that have gone through their spouses' MLC's and affairs. Both of them have marriages that are incredible. They weathered the storm and came out stronger than before. They are different people, for sure. But they would all tell you that their hearts have healed. They have moved past it and have seen their marriages with a new depth, deeper honesty, stronger connections.
I want you to know that I will be praying for you and your h. I will be sending positive thoughts and hugs your way. I will be hoping that the shift you may feel, is one you welcome.
