first time(&last) & still need help

[albamarie]

It does not have to be so extreme. If you take a clear, long look at where you've been, where you're currently at, it should not be difficult to decide where you want to go-- what's realistic and what is not; what goals and wishes mean the most to you; and what potential you yourself possess to attain them.

That's it, the simplest answer to the hardest question.

I was soo angry yesterday I could have blown a gasget. I was babbling in spanish in my kitchen, for some reason it feels like I get my point across more forcibly when it is said in another language. Should learn German to be real effective! Plus, I was hoping to get through to this latin macho son-of-a bleep, tho he wasn't even here!

I took FY's advice and didn't give him my anger! Today I am better! I can see now that my anger has it's peeks and valleys, but I must remain steady. I also see I am mostly angry at being alone, alone and he has a friend! The man who hated people, bbq's and company, has a fricken friend!

So maybe I am mad at myself, or my sitch and I'm giving it all to him, not that he doesn't deserve it, but it won't help my healing or R if I give it all too him. Right now I am stuck, I will continue to be a fraud, smile and do my best to be have a life!