I appreciate all of your concern. And since I've never ever dated anyone who had any substance abuse issues, it's a big concern for me. I'm well aware of the relapse rates, and I know that three years in recovery is not long. The red flags are obvious.
That being said - he's just about the kindest, sweetest man I've known. He's great with my mom and my son. He's been scrupulously honest and transparent with me about his past. I do believe him when he says he's just not that guy anymore, and he HAS done the kind of work on himself and his issues that people need to do to be successful in sobriety. He's quite smart and well educated. He doesn't appear to have transferred his addiction to anything else (although he's still trying to quit smoking).
To me, the red flags are less about his addiction history,surprisingly. I worry more about him being a little bit ADD (which it sounds like he may have been as a child as well), and, like I said, he grew up with money. Also, I'm on the lookout for any evidence of mood swings (none so far) as some periodic addicts are bipolar or suffer periodic depression.
I'll be sitting back and watching to see how he handles himself and his money. And don't worry, I would never mix my finances with anybody else's (part of why I don't want to get married again).
But I'm willing to give him a chance to show me who he can be today, and so far he's passing all the tests. His ACTIONS do speak quite loudly, and they're saying good things.
