Im totally new here, and very new in this process as well...

I have a different take on how youre handling the OW. I get setting boundaries, and not wanting to be a doormat. I had the same issue in the beginning with my H, and his GF. While my situation started out VERY differently, we are now in the same boat. (With the exception that mine is a WAH, and yours is at least saying he doesnt want you to go)

Your H sounds like mine, kind of a kid with impulse control issues. Have you thought about not showing ANY concern for what he does with her? If you tell a kid, "Dont touch that!! Youll burn yourself!!" What does the kid now obsess about touching??? Hear me out on this...

We live in an extremely small town, my H spends all of his free time with her. Her street is a main throughway in our town, and H has a very distinctive truck. I have stopped mentioning knowing he is with her.. etc. As of today, I have FINALLY been able to detach from the situation. I really just dont care. The result? Might be my imagination, but my H was actually cordial to me when I had to text him this morning.

Like kids... even negative attention is attention. I notice the more I talk about her being disrespectful of me (like posting pics of the, as a couple on FB) the more it pushes him to her saying, "You just never change, this isnt about her, its about us and that I dont want to be married to you anymore!" Gives the GF the open door to say, "Shes so controlling! Im here for you hunny" She provides no pressure, all support and ego stroking. "You deserve so much better"

Again, I am no vet, heck Im still on moderation! LOL But I also think you might be rushing the process a bit.. Your H is still in lalaland with the GF...

Anyway, thats my thoughts... smile Good luck, keep your head up and keep PMA!!

M:42 H:40
T: 18yrs M: 14yrs
Open R/M: 18 years
D19 S24 From PM
1st S 6 '08 Reconciled 8 '08
H BD, separated 5/9/13
Filed for S on 6/12/13
H committed to monogamous GF now