Pushing Forward 2

[jp787]

I ask that some of you read and give me suggestions based on the conversation content and based on the dance of how we talk.

I'm going to be brutally honest, so strap yourself in That was such a milque-toasty, wishy-washy conversation that I actually shuddered while reading it. Remember your DB'ing- you need to show her a confident, strong, sexy you. You have to be sure of yourself! Stalwart.

W asked this question before (About kissing) and I said I would think about it and try to find an answer.

How long ago did she ask? Because you STILL didn't answer her. "I don't know" is a poor answer that smacks of insecurity and confusion. You told her that the first time she asked, and that you would think about it and try to find the answer, but here you are again telling her "I don't know". You're sending her a message that says "I don't know who I am or why I do the things that I do, and I can sit around and think about it and still not know." So figure it out. My guess is you were undergoing some form of depression. THAT would have been an answer she could wrap her arms around- "I was going through depression, I didn't realize it at the time but now that I've emerged from it and can look back, I can clearly see what happened to me and the mistakes I made. I'm committed to never letting that happen again." Own your mistakes! Figure them out, make them black-and-white, talk about them, discuss why you'll never do them again. And do it with confidence!

It was maybe two weeks ago she first asked.

I honestly did not know, until just now and I have now told her.

I do know that it makes me sad and very angry that I was like that.[/quote]

Don't make this about you. What about how it made HER feel?

M: Yes I did. I am sorry you felt that way. I feel responsible.

You are not responsible for her feelings. Let her own her feelings, you need to validate her feelings, not take responsibility for them.
I am responsible for my actions that caused her feelings.

M: Thank you for asking W. If all I can do is to listen and try to answer your question than that is what I will do. I wish there was more I could do. I wish I could take your pain away. I know I can't. Thank you for asking the questions W, really.

Ugh! Enough with the pity party already! Show some strength, confidence and integrity! You can be sympathetic to her and validate her emotions without constantly berating yourself.

After many times of asking, I said it may be because it makes me think of my mother.

Ummmm, wow? Her private parts make you think of your MOTHER? [slaps forehead with hand] Just don't go there again, LOL! It doesn't matter how "honest" that is, there are some things you just shouldn't say!
I do regret that, but at the time it was an honest response. I should have omitted that and not posted here.