I asked her if she was willing to let me take care of her until some point in the future if she saw change we could maybe start to work on us.
I saw your earlier comment about her wanting you to take care of her in the M, but like Bond said, she probably meant emotionally. She absolutely does not want that right now though. She was telling you why she's done, she wasn't asking you to start showering her with attention and affection. Just back off and give her time and space.
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I mentioned that i would be willing to help her if she ran into trouble with her car or problems with the house
Show her a little respect. She can take care of herself. Sounds like you want to be her dad.
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but i said i couldn't do any of these things if i found out she was dating someone else.
Threats will go over like lead balloons right now!
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She instantly mentioned that i was trying to control her and i said "i see how you feel that way, and i apologize.
I think she's right, and I think your "i see how you feel that way" response sounds like you're accusing her of misinterpreting what your intent was. But your intent was indeed control. You dangled the carrot of "I'll take care of you" out there, but then threatened with "unless you do X". The thing is, she doesn't even want the carrot so the threat has no power behind it. Besides, do you think she cares at all about YOUR feelings right now? YOU don't want her to date. Why would she care? YOU need to seek to understand HER feelings, not impose yours on her.
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On the drive home after my major screw up, i just felt and also feel this morning that maybe its time to give up.
Don't give up, let go. You've got to let her go. You're too clingy/ grabby right now. Don't worry about the mistakes, we all make them. MWD even talks about it in DR and says to just pick yourself back up, learn from them and keep moving forward. You can do it
