Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[Tallula]

Awesome about the party!!

As others said, don't sit and try to figure your H out. Mine was MISERABLE for a few months. Acting crazy.

Emotions are up and down. I agree with Bug, you'll know when you are done.

I'm still here, standing with you!

[littleGTO]

Thanks for all the posts, longrun, bustin, labug, T, lovethehub, and FY (I've missed you!),

Okay, VERY INTERESTING interaction w H yesterday. I'm trying NOT to read much into it, but I have to admit I've been thinking about it A LOT today.

We went to S11's piano recital together at a lovely church. Well, the children are playing and H gets up and leaves in the middle of a song.

He came back then was checking his phone. So, naturally I was suspicious--what could be so important to have him leave and then be on this phone in the middle of the recital???

At intermission I asked him (I probably shouldn't have) why he left and he said that he was having a difficult time being in a church with piano music playing...something his mom did often.
And that he was checking his phone for his mom's obituary for the songs that were played.

I felt badly but then I said "I'm sure you could understand why I might be suspicious about you being on your phone."

He didn't answer.

Again he left the recital in a middle of a song. He was having a rough time. I found this comforting that he is still struggling w his mother's death BECAUSE it means our situation is NOT just about his unhappiness in our M.

We came back to the house & when he went to leave I gave him a big hug which he was suprised by (I haven't hugged him in a long time). He hugged me back & asked what was that for?

I said, "It seemed like you needed a hug."

Instead of leaving he lingered and said,"Do you remember what you said last weekend (the day after my party)?"

I had told him, after his big pout about us not planning the party together so he would have felt he could come, that if he lived with us we would have planned it together AND that he could still choose to come back.

He said, "That was a surprise that you would say that after all this time."

I said, "I meant it."

I don't mean to mind-read or take this to mean anything BUT... he has said virtually NOTHING in all this time to make me doubt his path away from me/our family.

This definitely gave me pause...not his words so much as the WAY he said it and the LINGER in leaving and the positivity in the HUG received.

I know, I know...believe NOTHING they say and only half of their actions.

So, onward I trudge...trying not to dwell on this small, meaningless moment in time.

THoughts????

[ForeverYoung]

It sounds like there is a bit of ambiguity in his mind about leaving you. Likely he has found he is not as happy as he hoped he would be on his present path. Keep doing what you are doing, I'd say it's working.

The Mom thing is big, I think. It means he may be dealing with unresolved issues there. You had nothing to do with these issues and can't fix them. It could take a long time for him to get through this. Have you educated yourself about MLC?

[bustingout]

I agree with FY, GTO. And I strongly recommend you read up on MLC to learn more about what H could possibly be experiencing.

xxx

[tori2012]

GTO, FY gave you great advice. Your H is clearly not sure of his path because:
1. He hasn't filed.
2. He's supposedly not sleeping w the OW.
3. He says he's living like a "M man."
I think that, as all WAS's, he is not aware of exactly what is prompting him to want to leave. He is probably afraid and feeling not so great about himself. I think your detachment is helping the situation. Keep it up. And think that whatever happens will be in your best interest.

[littleGTO]

Thanks, Tori, bustin' and FY,

I've been feeling a little thrown off course this week. Hopeful.

I was on this path of hopeless and now thoughts of "what if.." have been creeping into my brain.

All b/c H brought up a comment I made about how he could still come back if he chose to. He really seemed to hold onto that (I had almost forgotten I'd said it, to be honest...I know a statement like that shouldn't have been thrown out there freely but it was in response to his pouting about the party I threw and why didn't I include him in the planning right from the get-go. It was more like a statement of "if you'd lived here I would of course included you. You can still choose that if wanted.)

The truth is I wouldn't let him come back easily. I am in a different place now. He would have A LOT of growing to do and I would have A LOT of forgiving to do before I feel like any kind of R could happen.

BUt the fact that R has entered my brain at all is foreign. I don't know why the OW situation (he love for her) has left my thoughts. I have NO reason to believe she has left the scene. As early as a month ago he reinforced his feelings for her and had said he wanted to pursue a R with her (EA still at that point).

Still, I have this FEELINGS (based on no evidence what-so-ever) that someone is amiss w OW. NOt sure if she is trying to R w her H or has changed her mind about her impending D, or if they are still on the same path of wanting to be together.

I need to go back to my thoughts about my life w/o H (which it still IS).

On another note, a big job change a work may be happening VERY soon...not good or bad just different. Change can be good, right???

[littleGTO]

Okay, another part of my situation I haven't brought up here yet.

At my party last weekend a younger D'ed dad came to my party (friend of friends) & brought his son.

I drank a bit too much & well, ended up flirting w him a bit. It felt good and I know it was VERY innocent.

Since then we have texted each other 3 different nights. All very innocent...who's your favorite bball team, etc. But, it does make me feel like that when I'm ready| (which I'm not) that there will be someone out there who will be interested in me.

I feel like this guy is just a new friend who has time on his hands to text-period. He is nice & I crave the adult communication in the evenings. And, of course it doesn't hurt that a younger, cute guy is giving me a little attention.

I want nothing more from this & so far I have NO indication that he does either.

Is this dangerous territory or is this okay????

[labug]

Depends on what you're seeking.

I think you have the answer to your question.

[AnotherStander]

Is this dangerous territory or is this okay????

Well, it's how R's start, isn't it? They start out with innocuous conversations. As far as it being "dangerous", ask yourself what you want out of this, and if it's just friendship then make that clear to him right away, he probably has other expectations since you said you were flirting with him initially. That probably gave him a different idea of where things are going.

[Tallula]

I'm with AS. This is how things start. I'd make it clear to him it's a friends only thing. But, I did have a few males try to start up a friendship, and I simply said "No matter how my H is conducting himself, I still consider myself married. I don't believe in opposite sex friendships while married."

It is my personal belief. Doesn't have to be anyone else's.