Looking to keep hope alive

[ALF213]

Thanks for responding, KD. I can use all the help/support I can get.

Also, do you feel you are LRT or do you feel you'd prefer to stick with 180s and less drastic DB techniques, for now?

That is something I struggle with. I have been contacting her less. I do not initiate contact unless I have a question or need to pass some info to her. She does initiate contact through text, chat, and calling. Its not as often, but at least once a day.

When she does contact me, I try to keep my responses shorter and do not attempt to keep the conversation going longer. If she feels I didn't listen to her like I should, I wonder if doing this doesn't show her that I can?

W was texting with a friend last night while we were sitting on the couch. She said her friend was sad because her husband didn't ask how her day went, and she had a rough day. W said she told her she better speak up now and tell him it made her sad. Then W made a comment about learning that lesson the hard way. I didn't respond. This was one of the first times outside of counseling she has somewhat admitted she made a mistake. I wasn't sure if she was trying to drop me a hint. I've learned this is how she told me things in the past, and I didn't pick up on them. I have been asking about her day/work more, and then actually listening. She has opened up more from one word responses I got before BD. Should I keep doing this?

Stick to your STFU, listen and validate 180s right now. NO R talk and no defence or excuses on your part regarding any complaints that appear directed at you.

I fee like I had made some progress through initiating some R talk, and then listening/validating. I don't talk about the future, but it helped me figure out what the main issues were for her. She has opened up a little more. Should I now back off from that?

You need to detach from her words and actions. Do you know about "dim"?

I am doing my best to detach. Its hard, but I am getting a little better every week. I am a little familiar with "dim" from reading other threads. Is that something I should be doing?