For me an affair, probably of any variety, is non-forgivable. I 100% trusted my wife in our M and if she was in an A I could never look at her the same.
Let's assume for a moment that she IS having an affair. Why would she have started that? Could it be the below?
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she had been unhappy in our M for 6 years, that she felt that I've been ignoring her (conversationally and emotionally), and that she still loved me but didn't have feelings for me anymore.
She's been unhappy for SIX YEARS!!! You've been ignoring her in the M in every way possible. Could it be possible that she was looking for what was ABSENT in the marriage? Someone that would show her love, attention and affection? Here's the deal with affairs, they are almost always a symptom of problems in the M, not the cause. The cause was your coldness, detachment and inattention. The effect of that is the affair. I'm always surprised when people say an affair is a total deal-killer to them, because they've in essence been having their own affair for years beforehand. Perhaps their affair partner was work, or a classic car, or golfing, etc. They were doing something OTHER than being involved in their marriage. But when the tables are turned, suddenly it's a deal-killer. I really don't get that.
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I was in disbelief and told her that I thought that we'd be together forever.
She doesn't care what you think. In her mind, you had 6 years to demonstrate that to her and you didn't. So your words don't ring true now.
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She said that her "love tank" was not only empty but totally destroyed.
That's pretty bad. I'm not sensing any remorse or guilt from you though, what do you think about your W saying there was so little love in your M that her love tank is "totally destroyed"? Do you have any sympathy for her feeling that way? Do you have any guilt over your contributions to her feeling this way?
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As of now I have decided not to acknowledge her birthday (coming up this Friday).
You were cold and distant in the M, so this will just look to her like "more of the same" behavior. You don't want to shower her with gifts either, but I think you should do something thoughtful as a 180.
