Can anyone share stories of how their R was on the brink of divorce due to a SSM and how they have overcome it and have reconciled? I have been seperated on and off for 9 mths due to a SSM on my part. H walked out. He has been showing signs of wanting to work on it, but has said he wants a intimate relationship very badley, but not with me, however in the next breath he says he's not ready to walk away. Being that we have overcome a lot of our issues except intimacy and he's not willing to work on that aspect, I don't know what to do. I have really starting questioning if he having an affair.
Hi, I am assuming you have read Sex Starved Marriage, but have you talked to one of Michele's coaches that are experts in that area. If not, please call me and I will direct you to the right coach, whom specializes in these situations. There are hundreds of success stories, but each situation is so unique, that is it critical to talk to someone that understands how you got to the situation you are in, and what can be done differently. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
What were those reasons? All that rejection for so many years is terrible for a man. Men determine their self worth through their jobs and career (i.e. the ability to provide food and shelter for their spouse). Add the lack of sex (which is how many men find validity) and you've seen how your M can implode.
In what ways have you REALLY changed? I read through your posts and it still comes down to you being able to do things your way and getting what you want. He moved home because you wanted him to. Then you didn't think he was making the R better, fast enough. These were all your expectations and haven't shown you actually GIVING back to him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
What were those reasons? All that rejection for so many years is terrible for a man. Men determine their self worth through their jobs and career (i.e. the ability to provide food and shelter for their spouse). Add the lack of sex (which is how many men find validity) and you've seen how your M can implode.
In what ways have you REALLY changed? I read through your posts and it still comes down to you being able to do things your way and getting what you want. He moved home because you wanted him to. Then you didn't think he was making the R better, fast enough. These were all your expectations and haven't shown you actually GIVING back to him.
Man or woman, sexual rejection strips down their confidence and sense of self worth. MrBond, on some other boards, i found some women were having their husbands reject them sexually and intimately, and it also stripped into their self esteem, eventually lowering their sex drive.
We went through some tough times in our marriage due to it being an SSM. One of use wanted a lot of sex, while the other changed to not want it at all. But we are now getting along very well because we realize there is no reason to let our differences about sex affect all the other good things about our marriage.
So we are now getting along well in spite of it continuing to be an SSM, between us at least. We each get our needs met to some degree, though not in ways we are too excited to announce to the world -- so that is the price we pay. I realize that others think one should dump one's spouse, properties, in-laws, kids, and everything JUST to make the sex work, only sometimes to find out the new relationship isn't otherwise as good as the old one. So we have chosen not to take that path for now.
I thought I needed to add my version of a reconciliation here because the assumption would otherwise seem to be you could only reconcile by restoring sex to the marriage.
We went through some tough times in our marriage due to it being an SSM. One of use wanted a lot of sex, while the other changed to not want it at all. But we are now getting along very well because we realize there is no reason to let our differences about sex affect all the other good things about our marriage.
So we are now getting along well in spite of it continuing to be an SSM, between us at least. We each get our needs met to some degree, though not in ways we are too excited to announce to the world -- so that is the price we pay. I realize that others think one should dump one's spouse, properties, in-laws, kids, and everything JUST to make the sex work, only sometimes to find out the new relationship isn't otherwise as good as the old one. So we have chosen not to take that path for now.
I thought I needed to add my version of a reconciliation here because the assumption would otherwise seem to be you could only reconcile by restoring sex to the marriage.
It sounds like you decided to forgo the sex in your relationship, so nothing has changed.
Many of us, having been put in this corner, having this part of life denied from us determined the Athol Kay MMSLP gives a best chance of obtaining intercourse with your own spouse, and if you decide it does not work out - that you are in your prime condition for dating others.
I don't believe someone should be denied a sex life. Not really a fan of "open" relationships, but I see cases where it might be a humane thing to do.
I didn't decide to forgo sex, my wife did. I decided to stay in the relationship.
I've tried many of the "methods" for getting a woman to have sex, as if any woman will automatically have sex with you if only you (the man) behaved the right way. We've been on romantic getaways and had a lot of fun otherwise, and my wife hasn't been the least, repeat NOT THE LEAST, interested in sex or anything even remotely erotic.
I'm tired of hearing the advice that well, you can't expect people my age to behave like rabbits and want to jump into bed every day for lots of energetic sex! And, excuse me, why not? I have always been ready for that. Trying to have sex with someone who might, if the phase of the moon is right, have sex with you at the end of the week, is just not very exciting nor ego-building.
If you tell me that the Athol Kay MMSLP method has gotten women who were not at all interested in sex for 10 years to suddenly be interested in sex and want to have it EVERY DAY, then I'll give it a look! But, sex, maybe once a week, but usually, "nah, not today" -- not interested. Just like I wouldn't have been interested in a woman who wanted sex only once a week or two when I was 25 either.
It's a fact of life that many, if not a majority of, women who are into menopause of a diminished, if not completely absent, desire for sex. Of course that is not true for all women, and some even have a heightened desire in menopause. And they post here to make it known they are still interested. But the fact is, they are in a minority. Perhaps I'm in a minority too, being as interested as I am past the age of 60. But we usually are married to people whose desire has disappeared by this time.
I didn't decide to forgo sex, my wife did. I decided to stay in the relationship.
I've tried many of the "methods" for getting a woman to have sex, as if any woman will automatically have sex with you if only you (the man) behaved the right way. We've been on romantic getaways and had a lot of fun otherwise, and my wife hasn't been the least, repeat NOT THE LEAST, interested in sex or anything even remotely erotic.
I'm tired of hearing the advice that well, you can't expect people my age to behave like rabbits and want to jump into bed every day for lots of energetic sex! And, excuse me, why not? I have always been ready for that. Trying to have sex with someone who might, if the phase of the moon is right, have sex with you at the end of the week, is just not very exciting nor ego-building.
If you tell me that the Athol Kay MMSLP method has gotten women who were not at all interested in sex for 10 years to suddenly be interested in sex and want to have it EVERY DAY, then I'll give it a look! But, sex, maybe once a week, but usually, "nah, not today" -- not interested. Just like I wouldn't have been interested in a woman who wanted sex only once a week or two when I was 25 either.
It's a fact of life that many, if not a majority of, women who are into menopause of a diminished, if not completely absent, desire for sex. Of course that is not true for all women, and some even have a heightened desire in menopause. And they post here to make it known they are still interested. But the fact is, they are in a minority. Perhaps I'm in a minority too, being as interested as I am past the age of 60. But we usually are married to people whose desire has disappeared by this time.
Desire doesn't even matter buddy. Do you think if you did not have a desire, but could perform the act without feeling degraded that you would starve your wife for months and months on a time? To completely starve of any sex and affection?
You guys should be doing the deed, even if it's solely to excersise your various bodily functions. You know if you don't use it you lose it.
The Athol Kay method is basically a image improvement, if that was the issue to begin with, it gives a structured methodology for improving your image.
