Brannon, so sorry you're going through this, but in reading your sitch it sounds very much like what many of us went through/ are going through. So take comfort in knowing we can very much relate to your sitch and we can tell you what does and does not work. First, begging/ pleading/ negotiating/ reasoning DOES NOT WORK!! So stop that right away! That is all PRESSURE, and what she wants right now is NO pressure. You do this by pulling back and giving her time and space. DO NOT initiate ANY conversations about the relationship. If she initiates, then just LISTEN and VALIDATE. Be the greatest listener the world has ever seen.
As JP said, read Sandi's rules. Read them several times a day. LIVE those rules!
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Every day I was texting her and calling her trying to fix things that at the time were completely out of my control. (I didn't realize this at the time (i think!?))..
Stop initiating all that contact, it's pressure. Pull back. If she calls/ texts you it's OK to respond, but quit initiating it yourself unless it's kid-related (and then just stick to logistics).
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So anyhow, round two started about a month ago. I started to realize that she wasn't wearing her wedding rings, sex started to die off, and our lives together were heading down hill. I could tell that once again she was rather unhappy.
This is all pretty typical. Just understand that it took her many months or even years to get to this point. She thinks she's done and you won't be able to convince her otherwise. There's no quick fix to turn things around. It takes time. A LOT of time.
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I suggested we continue to go to therapy; however, at the time she wasn't working so she thought the expense at the time was not something that we could afford.
Don't push for MC. You can go to IC, or she can go, or both (separately). But MC should not be on the table at this point, it won't help with a WAS.
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Michelle has some unsolved issues with a bi polar disorder that she not yet found help for and i do believe that this is the root of the problem.
Probably not. It's VERY common for the LBS to try and diagnose the WAS. It's also a waste of time, time the LBS should be spending on making themselves into the spouse only a fool would leave. Leave her to her journey and you concentrate on the one thing you can control- YOU. Read DR, evaluate what you did wrong in the M, make a list of 180's on how you can change those things, put that list into action, and plan on sticking with it until the changes are permanent.
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I don't understand how my wife has decided to potential end our M and call it quits after a bumpy month.
It may just seem like a bumpy month to you, but like I said, to her it's been months or even years of misery. Right now she only remembers the bad things in the M, she's forgotten the good. It's going to take a long time before she starts coming out of the fog.
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Don't know what to do and don't know how to handle this. I feel like I am the one trying to save the M and she isn't the least bit concerned!
This is quite typical. There's a chapter in DR called "It Takes One To Tango". It addresses how there's plenty the LBS can do to work on the M while the WAS does nothing.
