Still...mana mana, doo doo doo doo doo! Part 3

[Tallula]

Hi, T,

I am very happy to hear of recent actions of your H.

...BUT (and I don't want to send any negativity here)...keep the no expectations attitude you have going for you, otherwise over time it may sneak up and bite you on the butt!

Your H is on his best behavior now b/c he wants to prove to you he is a new man. I hope and pray this is true, but has he really done the work to make consistant and REAL changes that will withstand the test of time???

Keep on lovin' the new YOU!!! You are worth so much!!!!

Thanks, GTO!! I hear you! While I am starting to open up to the idea of "trying" with H, I really do have no expectations. Honestly, I more so expect that I will chose D. But, we will see. I can't really explain it, but I am really living this moment by moment. I still have my boundaries, and a bit of a wall around my emotions. Well, not really a wall. I think of it like this. My love for H was intoxicating. My trust was blind and this whole this rocked my world to the foundation. But now I know, God and me are my only true "best friends". Trust God, love people. I know I can be hurt today, so I take care of me first. Don't know if I explained it right, but it's a cool place to be. I'm not googly-eyed by love today. If I choose to be in a R with H, I know the deal.

We were hanging out last night after the kids went to bed and he started talking about how scary it is to really feel his feelings. How instead of just running so some woman to make himself feel better, he is letting his emotions happen. Then he said "I have no idea if I'm a one woman man. But, I don't want to be doing it to stuff my emotions. All the lies. God. I mean, I don't know. I want to be, so I guess that's my answer." I validated. He has said that if he does sleep with someone or even has an overwhelming urge, he will discuss it with me. When he first said that, he goes "So, if I screw up, would you kick me out?" I told him I have no idea, but that probably not. "But if you ever lie to me again, yes. And I can't be your friend at all then." He said he feels such relief that he can be honest with me, and that I don't seem to judge it. And really, I don't. His defects aren't a reflection on me. I just won't be in a R with him.

Again...helped with kids and dinner...